Interview

‘Some things are better left unwritten’, her mother used to say. Yet uncensored writing is exactly what Nicoline van der Eyden (53) wants to promote with her company Schrijfbeweging. There is little that is as accessible and healthy as entrusting your thoughts and feelings to paper.

Nicoline loves welcoming groups at her kitchen table. People – young and old, with or without writing experience – come to write from the heart. Their goals vary: from simply taking a moment to pause and reflect on the choices they made, to processing old pain, grief and loss. Through targeted prompts – grammar and spelling are irrelevant – they get into a writingflow and the answers come naturally.

Nicoline: ‘That’s what I love about it: especially when you’re busy and have a lot on your mind, intuitive writing can bring you some peace and quiet. It lets your energy flow, gives new insights, is relaxing and relieves stress. “I feel a lot lighter”, is what I often hear people say after a workshop. You no longer have the feeling of being stuck. It sets things in motion.’

When did you discover the power of intuitive writing?

‘For me, writing has always been a natural outlet. Especially when I feel stuck, it helps me to set things in motion, it helps me to put words to my feelings and answer questions as: what’s my mind?, what keeps me busy?, is this what I want? It helped me to write through feeling homesick, through heartbreak, through several miscarriages. Fortunately I have three beautiful children now, but during that time I felt extremely lonely. A miscarriage is such an invisible grief. Not everyone understands what you’re going through, so you keep it to yourself. I processed it by journalling. And I did the same during the fifteen years that I was a primary caregiver for my parents. Writing offered me something to hold on to.’

Was it something you were taught at a young age?

‘My mother also loved to write. She was always writing letters to her family and friends in England. In love with my father, she had come to the Netherlands in 1957 to start a family together. She cared for her husband and five children, but she also felt homesick. Phone calls were quite expensive and social media was of course still unthinkable, so she wrote many letters. But I later realised she never spoke about her feelings. She considered them private and preferred to keep them to herself. “Some things are better left unwritten”, she would sometimes say. My mother did not want to bother other people with her personal matters. That was typical for that generation, and even more so for people from England. My father was a born optimist and preferred to look ahead rather than dwell on the past or on what he was feeling.’

How did you cope with setbacks?

‘As the youngest girl in a loving family with four older brothers, I always felt very safe. The atmosphere was warm, calm and steady. Caring is something I inherited from my mother, she was always there for us. My father, a creative entrepreneur, taught me to look beyond my comfort zone and to persevere. But if something didn’t go as planned, we hardly ever discussed it. Our way was: keep going and keep busy, with sports for example. When I was young I played a lot of tennis tournaments and before a match my mother always said: “Remember to stay cool, calm and collected”. I could be very stoic. So when I lived abroad for several periods, both study and work, and experienced some difficulties, I decided not to share that with the home front. On the other hand, what I did copy from my mother was the pleasure and reassurance of writing.’

How do you mean?

‘Well, what’s so helpful about writing is not so much what you write, but that you write. Just like walking, the process itself clears pathways in your body and brain. Several studies have shown this, as James W. Pennebaker and Joshua M. Smyth describe in their book Opening Up By Writing It Down. I saw this happen to my mother too. She had been suffering from Alzheimer’s for a long time and I decided to give her a set of Christmas cards to write. I saw her relax and revive. Even though she didn’t remember exactly what she was writing, she still recognized the wonderful feeling of writing by hand.’

When did you decide to become an intuitive writing coach?

‘I will never forget the date: it was on March 8, 2022, International Women’s Day. I had put my career on hold to care for my parents. I used to be an event manager in the corporate world and later on was a freelance translator. I used the time and energy I had left to volunteer in all kinds of communication and organizational jobs. After my parents passed away ( a few years after one another), and I had recovered somewhat from the busy caregiving years, I started looking for a paid job. But that turned out to be quite difficult. I didn’t come across anything that appealed to me and when I did, I was rejected, simply because I had stepped out of the rat race to become a caregiver. It was frustrating because those years had taught me so much! Then, on that particular day in March 2022, I suddenly realized: it’s time to be honest with myself: What do I really want? What has always helped me through difficult times? What makes me infinitely happy? And then I knew: I want to teach others the power of intuitive writing.’

You immediately started your own company?

‘Well, I felt so much energy. I knew this is what I want, and I’m just going to do it! My father’s entrepreneurial spirit serves me well. So I started reading more about it and took a course to become a writing coach. Of course, there are more writing coaches in the Netherlands, but I have increasingly developed my own approach.’

What can people expect from you?

‘First of all, warmth, dedication and professionalism. I like everyone, to feel at ease, whether they come and write in a group or one-on-one. It’s also important for me to connect with participants prior to a writing session and afterwards. I like to find out what their needs and expectations are. Based on that, I create a programme which will benefit them the most. During the workshops, I put my feelers out and am able to adjust accordingly. Some people find it helpful to share what they have written. That always causes a great deal of connection, with the other writers, but also with themselves. I love seeing that. There’s no pretending at my table.’

How do you do that within your own family?

‘My husband and I are a lot more open about our feelings than our own parents were. It’s not always easy, but we try to discuss things with our children and also share our doubts, worries and frustrations. Because we know how important it is and also believe that it brings relief and comfort.’

How will you expand your company?

‘In the beginning, I focused mainly on people over forty. For example, I’ve developed and supervised programs for caregivers, because this group of people particularly benefits from the power of writing. In the coming period, I also want to work with young adults, who are just flying out into the world and have to deal with all the pressure and choices that come their way. Intuitive writing can be such an accessible source of strength to find their path and build confidence. I’ve set up a writing programme that can be of added value for educational institutions.’

Are you looking to collaborate?

‘Yes, because when I dream big, I would like to make the power of intuitive writing available to everyone. Together with other writing coaches in the Netherlands. Wouldn’t it be great if we could set up a platform together? One where all target groups, teachers and methods come together. That seems really cool to me.’

How would your parents have reacted to that?
‘I think they would’ve been really proud. Because they would have realized how writing helps and acknowledged the importance of expressing and verbalizing your emotions. They themselves had never been able to do that. They grew up during the war, such a different time. Fortunately, nowadays there is more space and attention for the connection between head and heart. And I am more than happy to help others find that.’